La Fille du Chat Noir

Sim is not amused.

First Valentine’s day alone in 5 years or so but hey, I has wine! I have however already come up with a cunning response to such a cheesy day.

Me and my sicilian buddy. As much meat to feed an army. Three bottles of wine, 30 beers and a bottle of pastis. Hardcore bollywood films. The plan is to eat as much meat as we can before exploding and having our limbs scattered over a wide area, then drink as much as we can until we drop to the floor unconscious. Sounds like a plan.

I cherish winter: cosy jumpers, frothy hot chocolates with whipped cream on top, cuddles under the warmth of a duvet and kisses in the rain.

Soon, very soon *packs her Nuxe huile Prodigieuse 20years edition for many a lovely massage.

I am an incredibly selfish person. Despite I like to think that I am only detached and egoistic towards acquaintances and people I am not exactly fond of, the hard truth is that I always want everything to be perfect for me and my own pleasure, hence unknowingly hurting those I care about. I expected people to be perfect, to always love me and admire me for who I am whenever and wherever: when I was unbearable, judgemental or even harsh. I thought there were things that I couldn’t forgive, terms I could not come to, sacrifices I could not make.

But the thing is, when you learn to love a smile, when someone becomes one of your supporting pillars, one of the few things you are sure of, your convictions might flake. 

I learnt to forgive, take a hit and start again, to appreciate that I am not perfect and neither are others, and I also learnt not to have any expectations. I was so blind and lost in my dreams, desires and expectations that I completely lost track of what we used to be, forgot all the efforts we both made to find a balance. I no longer wish to be so self-centred, I wish to focus all my attention and efforts on him. I am now taking some time to look at him, concentrate on his expressions and words, some time to listen to him rather than hear him talk. I stopped expecting perfection, or surprises, or constant phone calls and morning texts: I started doing them myself. I decided to relish every instant, cherish every unexpected little thing, to create a moment rather than living one.

I do not wish to be his goddess, I do not wish for perfection, I just want to be with him. I do not want to be his first crush, his first love, I want to be his last.

As odd as it sounds, now that I expressed my feelings and made myself utterly ridiculous to half of the English speaking world, I feel better about myself.

Accidental eavesdrops on conversations and not-so-private statements on widely diffused social networks faced me with a multitude of people who are convinced - and, in the specific case of social networks, feel the need to let their friends and the rest of the English speaking world know - that there is no comparison between being single and being in a relationship. According to the latter, being single is a synonym of being free to do whatever one may please, feel accountable to no one, and having a lot more fun than a “boring” couple.

Despite I fully appreciate the fact that people may have their own views on a variety of subjects, I must disagree with this distorted concept of what being a relationship is about and thereby debunk a couple of myths.

I personally think that there is nothing in this world that can be compared to the joys of spending time with our “favourite”, our “loved one”: the cold winter nights spent watching a film, cuddling under a warm duvet; his morning kiss -and coffee for the lucky ones such as myself!- ; falling asleep in his arms every night and waking up next to him; the quiet evenings debating politics, history and all those subjects that anyone else would find absolutely boring; all the spontaneous little things that make you feel loved. I could go on for ages listing all the little things that make being a relationship such a unique experience.

In conclusion, I must add that being in a relationship is by no means a restriction of your freedom: that, is called a relationship between two immature people. The relationship I am talking about, the one I adore and praise, is about two mature people which are together because of a deep emotional tie and the will to complete each others’ existences, two people that deliberately want to spend as much time together as they can. Going clubbing, on holiday, getting drunk or whatever it is that you are into, can be fun even with a boyfriend: what really matters is having the right person by your side.

PS: My post purely refers to having a “boyfriend” - being myself a girl - but all I have written obviously applies to the opposite sex too. [Picture: Anna Karina, classier than you since 1940 - yes, I am currently obsessed with this actress]

”[..] tu non sei l’eccezione. Tu sei la regola. E la regola dice che se un uomo non ti chiama, è perchè non vuole chiamarti. Se ti tratta come se non gliene fregasse un cazzo, è perchè non gliene frega un cazzo. Se ti tradisce, è perchè non gli piaci abbastanza”.

Non esistono uomini spaventati, confusi, disillusi. Non esistono uomini tragicamente segnati dalle passate esperienze, bisognosi d’aiuto, bisognosi di tempo. Gli uomini si dividono in due categorie soltanto: Quelli che ti vogliono. E Quelli che non ti vogliono. Tutto il resto è una scusa.

E Tu, Tu Donna, di mestiere fai l’avvocato, la commessa, la cameriera, l’insegnante, la casalinga, la commercialista, la modella, la ragioniera, l’attrice, la studentessa. Non la crocerossina.

Quindi.

Aspetta che sia lui a chiederti di uscire. Perchè va bene la parità dei sessi, le quote rosa, e l’eguaglianza dei diritti. Ma i tempi non sono poi così cambiati. Gli uomini restano pur sempre dei cavernicoli, sia pure incravattati, e come tali adorano il sapore della conquista.

Tieniti lontana dagli uomini sposati. Non lasceranno la moglie per te. Meno che mai lasceranno i figli per te. E non credere alla storia dell’amica della sorella di tua cugina, appena convolata a nozze con quello divorziato. Tu non sei l’eccezione. Tu sei la regola.

Al bando quelli che ti costringono ad aspettare ore accanto ad un telefono che non suona. Non hanno perso il tuo numero. Non hanno investito un cane. Non hanno appena scoperto di avere un tumore alla prostata. Probabilmente sono al telefono con un’altra. Oppure sono gay.

Fanculo quelli che non declinano i verbi al futuro. Non sono analfabeti. Semplicemente non vogliono impegnarsi. Perchè non gli piaci abbastanza. Li riconosci facilmente. Girano con un cartello appeso al collo, e la scritta: “Ci stiamo frequentando”. Quando la senti, scappa.

Non consumare le tue belle scarpe nuove (e neppure quelle vecchie) per correre dietro un uomo che non ti vuole. Usale, piuttosto, per prenderlo a calci in culo. Impara l’arte dell’essere donna. Impara l’arte di ottenere dagli uomini quello che desideri, non sbattendo i piedini, ma facendogli credere che siano stati loro a decidere.

Impara a scegliere, invece che essere scelta.